From the Land of Mata Ayer

I'm pretty amused that this week I have been working and 'nudged' to configure the theory selection for my thesis. I had practically left it at the back of my mind as I thought perhaps a conceptual framework is succinct. However, during the latest meeting with my supervisor, he probed the matter. I understand that choosing a theory is like applying lenses, you change the way you see things/ object/ ideas. What I have yet to understand is the part where we need to shift from macro view, to micro, and so on so forth. Perhaps I've been burrowing in the rabbit hole for some time already. Digging through the materials, reading, annotating, and sometimes questioning myself 'why on earth are you doing this?'..haha. But my supervisor has an important point: I need to be able to view things using helicopter view. Second, this week I attended an online workshop on Atlas ti. The global pandemic had saved me hundreds in terms of transportation costs, may reach thousands eve...

Bismillah, It has been 77 days since the Malaysian government first imposed the Movement Control Order (MCO) and followed by a less restricted version of CMCO which is anticipated to end soon insyaAllah. Our lives has also changed tremendously. Who expects that this is the way we will spend our 2020? By staying put in our houses. I have been lamenting to routinely write here, for long, but distraction took charge. I did things other than blogging instead. However, yesterday I watched a Youtube video from my lecturer back in UTP and one of his tips to make PhD journey more meaningful is to write reflectively. So here I am, facing my fear of having inadequate thoughts to share. The last two and a half months had been eventful. I never expected myself to stay in one place for so long. It made me notice the smaller things, like how my parents have been aging well, or that the ambience of the house is more cheerful when all three siblings are home. Having food on our table, a roof on our he...

Bismillah, This is day 39 of the Movement Control Order in Malaysia, and going to be the 2nd day of Ramadan. What a way to fast this year! I'm glad to be with my family during these trying times, alhamdulillah. Just a short reflection since I just finished Setia dengan Kebenaran two days ago. It's a collection of short writeups by Hasrizal Abdul Jamil. Bought it back in 2017, yet it took me 2 years to open it and finish reading it in 10 days. The book coincidentally touched a few things which I had been mulling over these few weeks. One of them is the way I define myself as a Muslim. I was recruited into a Muslim students organization during the early years of my first degree. It was fine at that time, made a lot of good friends which I still keep in touch over the years. I stayed within the organization until graduation, which summed up about 4 years max. When I finished my studies and returned home, another phase of adapting to normal life began. You are someone's ...

I might have been a bit too hasty,  I told a person that I want to know him (in plain text). Trying to make this as unobtrusive as possible, it turns out the message was dismissed. Sorry, might have crossed a grey area over there. I bet my future self will laugh this off..haha. Syiqin, sabar sikit boleh tak? Sometimes a person / occasion / job position etc seems like it's crafted specifically for us. A possibility. It's just an intuition, it might or might not work. A 50-50 chance, a flip of a coin. I think I may have exhausted all permissible and legal means of finding a potential partner for now. Not really in a hurry, but I have to admit, I need the companionship. Now, it's time to let God. Let time be the borrowed scenery. Let time tells the story.

The term 'ambitious' was mentioned at least two times this week. I found it amusing that it came out in different occasions. The first one was during a casual conversation with a colleague, a fellow postgraduate. We were talking about marriage. She is married for almost 6 years, with 3 children and another one on the way. I found her to be a sister-like figure, although we are just 1 year apart. Clearly, she has more experience on marriage than me. So we came to the point which I mentioned that my previous marriage arrangement didn't work out because after leaving university, we realized that we want different things. And those differences formed a gap far too big to be compromised that it is irreconcilable. My friend then came out with a response: "perhaps it is because of your ambitions? For me it was easier because I got married young, I just follow his plans." I have no words to continue the conversation. She intended well, I know that. But the realizati...

Bismillah, Disclaimer: This is my reflection after being in the program for almost 4 months. Definitely, a long way to wade through and hopefully survive insyaAllah. So what does it feels like? To be frank, it feels like a steel bar is being added onto my shoulder..lol. Just kidding. It does feel like a new responsibility is being handed to me, an ordeal which I sought. Gladly, both my supervisors kind of grilled me during the registration day. The big question of the day is: 'what is my intention in undertaking this PhD?' I see it as a goalpost that I need to reach before getting to other destinations. I see it as a process, a 3-year period in which I will independently design my learning experience. At the end of the period, I hope to acquire skills and add some values to myself and the community I worked with. It is an intermediary, not the end. InsyaAllah, being a student of knowledge is one of the personal jihad which I can work on. So how am I doing now? ...

Bismillah, I'm back in Malaysia after a soulful journey in Taiwan. It does irks me sometimes when Malaysians (in general) could not stop bickering over petty issues. We just kinda move from one small problem to another. Let's hope that it does not turn into a vicious cycle. Have we been too invested in politiking? To the point that we overlook other core issues that remain unsolved until now. I never expect a magic pill or a one-shot all-savers solution, it's just that, have we ever reflect which direction we are going, backwards or forward? upwards or downwards? On the contrary, I miss Taiwan's vibe. The cities are busy, but peaceful, crowded, yet syncs in harmony.  Ok, back to the point. I am due to register for my PhD in 2 weeks insyaAllah. This was after 2 times of postponement. Once was in March when I got accepted for the YSEALI Academic Fellowship, and another one was in July for my summer school.  Sometimes I wonder whether I'm taking the right decisio...