Thursday, May 28, 2015

Internal Confession #1

Coming in terms with it, I realized that I wasn't ready.
The act of making me wait for 16 weeks w/o reason is unacceptable. Yet I'm searching for the wisdom that lies behind it.
A good friend used to ask " How can you bear with it? , you don't even look sad"
I'm not sure how I should react, plus the maintained "cool" facade that I always got had made me seemed unwavered by his gesture.
I should cry
Maybe I should
For this seemingly strong iron lady does have her softer, weaker side.

It's ok
This week has been a ride of tasks/meetings. Lot's of it.
As if Allah is telling me to stop thinking about it for a while.
Yeah, I got tonnes of things to do. :D
Need to put on my cape and save the city of Gotham sometimes ~

About death
My friend's dad passed away last weekend. It was so sudden, yet she managed to spend 2 days by his side, Alhamdulillah.
She is strong, stronger than me. Stay strong Azfar, for Allah never burdened us more than what we can withstand.



On our way to visit Azfar's family in Kelantan,
I have been warned (some sort of anticipated actually)
That the road I'm taking, the path I'm joining, the extrovert-ness I'm showing
I won't be the first choice of many
May not be the second choice either

I'm not the typical "muslimah solehah" that people craved for.
I have my vision, my dreams, my aims to change the society
As long as what I'm doing is within the boundary of my religion, then what's the point of killing my passion ?
Humans are selfish, undeniably
We want the easiest way
We demanded most of the time, wanting for perfection
Yet in the end, we refused to accept and change the flaws embedded deep within.

Sayang sekali,
Kita berikrar dengan mereka yang hanya peduli tentang keistiqamahan diri mereka sahaja.
Yang berdegar-degar meminta kita untuk terkehadapan.
Tetapi tidak berani menerima cabaran dan perubahan.
Retorik?
Mungkin
Kecewa ?
Mungkin
Moga masa depan memberi penawar. 
Masa kini, biar aku tunaikan tugasku dahulu.
Aku masih cuba memahami bicaraMu, Tuhanku.
Sesungguhnya Engkau tidak pernah mengecewakan, tempat aku berharap dan meminta pertolongan.






DOA - Chairil Anwar
kepada pemeluk teguh

Tuhanku
Dalam termangu
Aku masih menyebut namamu

Biar susah sungguh
mengingat Kau penuh seluruh

cayaMu panas suci
tinggal kerdip lilin di kelam sunyi

Tuhanku

aku hilang bentuk
remuk

Tuhanku

aku mengembara di negeri asing

Tuhanku
di pintuMu aku mengetuk
aku tidak bisa berpaling


Friday, May 1, 2015

Day 422

Day 422
Alhamdulillah, dengan linangan air mata gembira aku menoktahkan salah satu cabang perjalanan dalam hidupku. 
Semoga 1.5 tahun yang aku sumbang menjadi saham akhirat untukku. 
Jalan ini tidak mudah, sekali-kali tidak mudah. Cabarannya dimana-mana. 
Doakan aku agar terus bergerak, terus istiqamah menyumbang untuk Ummah. 
Terima kasih sahabat, teman dan rakan kerana mewarnai hidupku selama ini.
We've made it, dear comrades!


Lirik lagu Paradise dari Maher Zain cukup menggambarkan perasaanku sekarang. Ya Tuhan, betapa aku inginkan JannahMu!

And now we're here feeling so good.
About all the things that we went through 
Knowing that God is pleased with us too
It's not a dream, this is so true

Feeling the peace all around
Seeing things we could never imagine
Hearing the sound of rivers flow
And we know we'll be here forever
The feeling is indescribable 
Knowing that this is our reward 

Do you remember the hard times we went through? 
And those days we used to argue
But there was not one thing that could bring us down 
'Cause we always had in our minds
The place that no eye has ever seen
The place that no heart has ever perceived 
The place we've been promised to live in forever


pic credit to Umar Mita



Kalau apa yang engkau serukan kepada mereka (wahai Muhammad) sesuatu yang berfaedah yang sudah didapati, dan satu perjalanan yang sederhana (tidak begitu jauh), nescaya mereka (yang munafik itu) akan mengikutmu; tetapi tempat yang hendak dituju itu jauh bagi mereka. Dan mereka akan bersumpah dengan nama Allah dengan berkata: "Kalau kami sanggup, tentulah kami akan pergi bersama kamu". (Dengan sumpah dusta itu) mereka membinasakan diri mereka sendiri, sedang Allah mengetahui bahawa sesungguhnya mereka itu orang-orang yang berdusta (tentang tidak sanggupnya mengikutmu).

p/s: Teruskan bergerak wahai Ansarullah.
Ini bukan noktah untuk kita

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