After 77 days

Bismillah,

It has been 77 days since the Malaysian government first imposed the Movement Control Order (MCO) and followed by a less restricted version of CMCO which is anticipated to end soon insyaAllah. Our lives has also changed tremendously. Who expects that this is the way we will spend our 2020? By staying put in our houses.

I have been lamenting to routinely write here, for long, but distraction took charge. I did things other than blogging instead. However, yesterday I watched a Youtube video from my lecturer back in UTP and one of his tips to make PhD journey more meaningful is to write reflectively. So here I am, facing my fear of having inadequate thoughts to share.

The last two and a half months had been eventful. I never expected myself to stay in one place for so long. It made me notice the smaller things, like how my parents have been aging well, or that the ambience of the house is more cheerful when all three siblings are home. Having food on our table, a roof on our head, and to have some kind of job security nowadays are a privilege. And I am grateful for it. I know that I'm extra lucky to be able to spend the MCO with my family alhamdulillah.

The COVID-19 pandemic also disrupted my study flow, a bit. In the early phase of MCO, I found it challenging to shift my working mode and conduct research work at home. It till is challenging, but it has gradually improved over time. Although I'm not as pleased with the snail-paced writing speed, but that's how we get our job done, bit by bit. Hopefully I can finalize my first 3 chapters and send it for colloquium soon insyaAllah.

To spend Ramadan in a lockdown/restricted movement condition unearthed a lot of basic questions. We are being pushed to question the essence of our religion. Are we understanding the roots of our deen or just mindlessly following the rituals? Instead of congregating at the mosque, we make our houses our mosque. Instead of having mass iftar, we hold simple, intimate ones with our families. Not having surau/mosques open points us to another reminder, we can pray everywhere as long as it's clean and not obstructing other people's path. This Ramadan, we also lost my Grandma's sister, tokcik Norma after a long fight with cancer.

Being in isolation also bring about the question of fear and anxieties. Well, there are sunny days, and there are rainy days. Sometimes my idea of being productive is not fulfilled due to many reasons; distraction, procrastination or external factors, and it made me feel bad. Other times I wonder whether I am making the right decision to pursue a doctorate degree at this age. Should I work first? (but the tough nature of higher education in Malaysia makes it super hard to obtain teaching experience without a PhD) Once in a while I scrolled the instagram and wonder why I haven't met a partner (instagram and fb is merciless for single people..lol). But only in those instances I wonder. Other than that, I am happy with what I am doing now. At this stage, my life can be equated to a flux, it seems like nothing big is happening, but there are lots of tiny things doing its work, one step at a time. And I need to keep working on it.

One upside of this global pandemic is we somehow realize that a lot of meetings/discussions can be done online. It makes scholars and experts to be more accessible than ever. On the other hand, I still long for face-to-face discussions and networking. Guess that one will have to wait.

As a reminder to myself in the future, I'm going to list the things that I've worked on since the last 77 days. Your girl needs some pick-me-up.

1. co-organized and attended 3 book circles with Improf sisters and Suri Membaca

2. attended webinars by Islamic Renaissance Front (Prof Shad Shaleem Faruqi and Prof Jomo), IDEAS webinars on food security, and ISIS Malaysia virtual sessions (Prof Bridget Welsh and Prof Jomo).

3. Rising Majority teach-in by Naomi Klein and Toni Morisson

4. East-West Center Four Futures workshop

5. JEDI sessions on food security, sustainable development and environmental law

6. postgrad webinars: by my univeristy, Dr Luqman Hakim at DSG, Dr Nasrun, and 10-day Literature Review workshop by Dr Fadly Habidin

7. followed kuliah Tafsir al Azhar by Ust Zahiruddin Zabidi, as well as sessions by Ust Syaari, Ustazah Sholihah Kaswari and Sh Timothy Winter.

8. Kelas Ngaji Kesetaraan Gender dalam Islam (KGI) oleh Dr Nur Rofiah

9. Webinars by SEA Women Peacebuilders, they covered important topics on terrorism, gender-based violence, transnational crimes.

10. Tuned to iqra.id talkshow on Perempuan, Sastra dan Seksisme

11. Diskusi Buku Tabiat Kediktatoran dan Keruduman Perhambaan by LEAD

12. Currently mentoring the one YSEALI academic fellowship group for Earth Optimism challenge

13. Signed up with a 5-week course on Comparative Thought - Liberalism, Socialism and Islam

14. reached my first 10,000 words in my thesis - needs major revision in the argument side.

15. Read 5 books, Becoming by Michelle Obama, the Atomic Habits, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, Setia dengan Kebenaran by Hasrizal Abdul Jamil, and my most favourite In the Footsteps of the Prophet by Tariq Ramadan.

p/s: my biological clock and sleep time is kinda disrupted nowadays. You are more likely to reach me at 2 am than 9 am in the morning. Need to work on that and also my exercise routine. We can now go out and walk at the state recreational park, yeay!

p/s: found a detailed explanation of my name by Sh Timothy Winter in his Love and Seclusion series (part 4). Asyiqin is a derivation of ishq, an Arabic (and also urdu) word which bears the meaning of passionate love of God. It's a pretty strong name and I really appreciate to finally understood what it meant. It helps me to understand myself more, alhamdulillah.