From the Land of Mata Ayer

Bismillah, This is day 39 of the Movement Control Order in Malaysia, and going to be the 2nd day of Ramadan. What a way to fast this year! I'm glad to be with my family during these trying times, alhamdulillah. Just a short reflection since I just finished Setia dengan Kebenaran two days ago. It's a collection of short writeups by Hasrizal Abdul Jamil. Bought it back in 2017, yet it took me 2 years to open it and finish reading it in 10 days. The book coincidentally touched a few things which I had been mulling over these few weeks. One of them is the way I define myself as a Muslim. I was recruited into a Muslim students organization during the early years of my first degree. It was fine at that time, made a lot of good friends which I still keep in touch over the years. I stayed within the organization until graduation, which summed up about 4 years max. When I finished my studies and returned home, another phase of adapting to normal life began. You are someone's ...

I might have been a bit too hasty,  I told a person that I want to know him (in plain text). Trying to make this as unobtrusive as possible, it turns out the message was dismissed. Sorry, might have crossed a grey area over there. I bet my future self will laugh this off..haha. Syiqin, sabar sikit boleh tak? Sometimes a person / occasion / job position etc seems like it's crafted specifically for us. A possibility. It's just an intuition, it might or might not work. A 50-50 chance, a flip of a coin. I think I may have exhausted all permissible and legal means of finding a potential partner for now. Not really in a hurry, but I have to admit, I need the companionship. Now, it's time to let God. Let time be the borrowed scenery. Let time tells the story.

The term 'ambitious' was mentioned at least two times this week. I found it amusing that it came out in different occasions. The first one was during a casual conversation with a colleague, a fellow postgraduate. We were talking about marriage. She is married for almost 6 years, with 3 children and another one on the way. I found her to be a sister-like figure, although we are just 1 year apart. Clearly, she has more experience on marriage than me. So we came to the point which I mentioned that my previous marriage arrangement didn't work out because after leaving university, we realized that we want different things. And those differences formed a gap far too big to be compromised that it is irreconcilable. My friend then came out with a response: "perhaps it is because of your ambitions? For me it was easier because I got married young, I just follow his plans." I have no words to continue the conversation. She intended well, I know that. But the realizati...

Bismillah, Disclaimer: This is my reflection after being in the program for almost 4 months. Definitely, a long way to wade through and hopefully survive insyaAllah. So what does it feels like? To be frank, it feels like a steel bar is being added onto my shoulder..lol. Just kidding. It does feel like a new responsibility is being handed to me, an ordeal which I sought. Gladly, both my supervisors kind of grilled me during the registration day. The big question of the day is: 'what is my intention in undertaking this PhD?' I see it as a goalpost that I need to reach before getting to other destinations. I see it as a process, a 3-year period in which I will independently design my learning experience. At the end of the period, I hope to acquire skills and add some values to myself and the community I worked with. It is an intermediary, not the end. InsyaAllah, being a student of knowledge is one of the personal jihad which I can work on. So how am I doing now? ...

Bismillah, I'm back in Malaysia after a soulful journey in Taiwan. It does irks me sometimes when Malaysians (in general) could not stop bickering over petty issues. We just kinda move from one small problem to another. Let's hope that it does not turn into a vicious cycle. Have we been too invested in politiking? To the point that we overlook other core issues that remain unsolved until now. I never expect a magic pill or a one-shot all-savers solution, it's just that, have we ever reflect which direction we are going, backwards or forward? upwards or downwards? On the contrary, I miss Taiwan's vibe. The cities are busy, but peaceful, crowded, yet syncs in harmony.  Ok, back to the point. I am due to register for my PhD in 2 weeks insyaAllah. This was after 2 times of postponement. Once was in March when I got accepted for the YSEALI Academic Fellowship, and another one was in July for my summer school.  Sometimes I wonder whether I'm taking the right decisio...

Bismillah, I was planning to make a 10-series posts on my experience in the United States for an academic fellowship under the Young Southeast ASEAN Leadership Initiative (YSEALI). Met awesome fellows over there, 21 of us, I still miss the positive vibes until now. But turns out that I forgot about this, and things get busier with Ramadhan & Eid (the first week of Ramadhan was a bit disaster as I was adapting to jetlags, asal pukul 4 petang je mengantuk).   . And here we are, 2 months post the program. Currently I am in Taiwan for a summer school in Global Governance for the next 6 weeks. New challenges, new experience, and new peers. I am very grateful for the opportunity given, knowledge seeking is a form of rizq that I am really grateful of Alhamdulillah. So after much negotiations with my parents (which quoted by Lance as the second visa interview), I flew to Taipei as a solo Malaysian delegate.  . Definitely a lot of things happened in between the months.  ...

Bismillah, It has been quite a long stretch since my last post. Lots of things happened, definitely. I'm trying my best to get the writing process smoothen up since (I guess) it has been getting a bit rusty.  Last month I attended an Almaghrib seminar by Syeikh Yahya Ibrahim on the Tafseer of Surah Maryam. It is a really great weekend class and I'm really grateful to be offered a partial sponsorship to attend this seminar. The experience of attending an Almaghrib class is priceless, you're going to miss the vibes, the spiritual boost, the people that you met, all of it. One of the things that Syeikh Yahya shared during this class is the power of du'a. If we look at the stories in Al-Quran, we'll notice that there are countless examples of the actors/characters making du'a. Prophet Zakariyya a.s prayed for a child (Surah Maryam), Imran (father of Maryam) also prayed for a son, Musa a.s prayed for a companion, and the list goes on. The point that ...